That Safe Sex Talk
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: As they are about to get physical Carolyn stops to have that safe sex talk with Daniel…but really, how do you have that talk with a ghost?


**The usual disclaimers:****_  
_**_I do not own anything. All rights belong to R.A. Dick (Josephine Leslie)and 20__th__Century Fox._

Alsot hanks to all GAMM writers, both from the series and fan-fiction authors for publishing such wonderful stories; there is no attempt on my part to imitate any of these published works.

_And, If you don't like, don't read – seems self explanatory._

_AN: This was written as a stand alone, but I suppose it could be considered to be part of the fantasy series? Not tagging it as such so you can catalogue it where you want._

**That Safe Sex Talk**

**_That Safe Sex Talk: As they are about to get physical Carolyn stops to have that safe sex talk with Daniel…but really, how do you have that talk with a ghost?_**

Wrapped in the arms of the poltergeist that she had fallen in love with, Carolyn Muir was quite content. She stared into his handsome face and opened her to him as his mouth claimed her, his tongue exploring her mouth as she allowed free access. She did the same to him, meeting his tongue as they fenced playfully, deepening their kiss. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

Carolyn came up for air, and peppered his face with kisses until he laughed. He pulled her tightly to him and she felt the length of him against her, and he felt wonderful. It had been quite some time since she had accepted a lover and she was looking forward to being ravished by this particular man. She planned to do some ravishing herself.

Somehow, during their impassioned lip exchange they ended up next to the bed, and they both knew what was going to happen next.

The Captain drew away from her and looked into her face, this time he peppered her with soft kisses until he laughed.

"My love, I have wanted this for so long," he said in a husky voice.

"Daniel, you have no idea how badly I want you too," she said and ran her hands over his chest. It was with the greatest of will power that she stilled her hands and pulled back from him to look in his face.

"My dear?" He was clearly puzzled at the sudden change of speed in their actions.

"Daniel, we need to talk."

"Now? You must be joking?" He was incredulous and drew her to him again, holding her tight so that she was reminded of just where they were, and what they were about to do. It was almost enough to distract her from her words.

"Yes, now is more than appropriate." With great reluctance she pulled herself from his arms and took a step away from him.

"Fine." With a scowl he let his arms drop to his side. "What is so blasted important that we have to talk about it now, at this specific moment?"

"We're about to fall into bed together, aren't we?"

"That is my intention," he said, unhappy about announcing what he thought was perfectly obvious.

"Then we need to talk about what we're about to do," she insisted.

"Why for God's sake? Do you imagine that I do not know what I am doing? That I need an instruction manual?" He roared.

She couldn't help it; she covered her mouth and laughed, and shook her head. "No, Daniel. I am sure that you of all people do not need any sort of instruction manual for this…activity."

"What then?" He was clearly befuddled and frustrated by her halting of their projected path.

"We need to talk about…safe sex," Carolyn said quickly and glanced at the floor for the moment, before looking up to meet his puzzled blue eyes.

"Safe sex?" He looked like he was about to laugh. "Madame, I am a spirit. What is not safe about that? Have you ever had sex with a spirit?"

"Obviously not. Have you had sex with a…woman since you…well, since you became a spirit?"

"No. You are the first and the only mortal woman that I will ever have sex with, because you are the only one that I love." He reached out and put his fingers under her chin so that she looked into his eyes.

That was almost enough to sidetrack her, but not quite. "So you haven't…umm, you know…had sex in the spirit world?"

At that he laughed. "No, my love, I have not. Things work quite differently there, we are not physical."

"Then how do you?" Her eyes narrowed as she imagined him in the arms of some nameless spirit woman.

"There is a way but I can explain that to you later." He paused and held up a hand. "And allow me to say that I have not taken advantage of any spirit, nor coupled with anyone since my untimely death."

"No one?" She asked.

"No one. You are the only woman I have ever loved and the only woman that I wish to be physical for, or with." He stepped close to her and kissed her again. "Carolyn, I love you and I want to make love to you. Is that so hard to understand?"

"No, it's not." She forced herself to step away from him. She did want to finish this conversation and his close proximity was making that difficult.

"Very well, I can see we will get nowhere until we have this discussion. Ask your questions."

"I want you to wear a condom," she said in a no nonsense voice.

"A condom? To what purpose?" He laughed outright.

"Daniel, you surely know what a condom does," she was trying very hard not to blush as she explained her viewpoint to her all too male ghost.

"Of course I do. It prevents both sexually transmitted diseases, and pregnancies. As to the first point, since I am deceased I have no sexual diseases to transmit. As for the second point, I am a spirit and do not possess the…swimmers to achieve that goal." He grinned at her roguishly. "And may I point out that if I didn't know how to use condoms that I would have littered the world with my offspring. Something I had no desire to do."

She fought down her wave of jealousy against all of those unnamed woman who held him, alive and virile, in their arms over the course of his lifetime. She took a deep breath and proceeded on.

"I'm glad of that," she muttered under her breath.

"I thought you might be. So we have established that I do indeed know how to use a condom, that I cannot give you a disease, and that I cannot get you pregnant, so why are we still talking about this?" He raised an eyebrow in question.

"I'll accept that you can't give me a disease, but are you sure about the pregnancy issue? There are stories of spirit children…"

"My love, they are just that, stories. But thank you for believing me capable of that." He gave her a predatory look and she blushed down to her toenails.

"I still think you should wear one." She met his gaze with a defiant one of her own.

"All right, for the sake of argument, let us say that I agree to that. Just how do you propose that I wear one?" He grinned at her.

"Well, the normal way, the way that any man would…"

"But I am not a normal man. I do not truly exist in the physical world."

"But you have clothes…"

"Only because I wish them there…"

"Then wish for a condom!"

"It is not as simple as that. It would be considered clothing for all practical purposes."

"And?" Carolyn was clearly missing his point.

"And my clothing is rather an all or nothing proposition."

"I don't follow."

"I can be dressed as I am, or like this," he waved his hand and was dressed in modern black dress slacks and a dark blue dress shirt, looking quite the modern man. She was impressed.

"Daniel, that's a good look. You should do that more often."

"Thank you. My point is that it is easy for me to change clothing, but everything I wear like this is considered clothing."

"So a condom would be considered clothing?" She frowned.

"Exactly so." He gave her a wolfish smile. "So if I am without clothing, I am completely without clothing," he snapped his hand and he was without clothing, not a stitch.

Carolyn's mouth dropped open and she stared at him. She knew he had a marvelous physique and now she could stare at it all that she liked. That muscular broad chest that she had run her hand over, nice hips, strong back, firm buttocks, muscular legs and calves, and a more than obvious arousal as he stepped closer to her.

"See, clothing or naked. Those are my choices."

"There must be some way." She thought for a moment. "What if you put one on instead of wishing one on?"

"What do you mean?'

"This is what I mean," Carolyn reached into a drawer in her nightstand and pulled out a wrapped condom and thrust it at him.

The Captain raised a speculative eyebrow at her.

"I was hoping we could work things out," she offered as explanation.

"How do you propose that I put this on?" He grinned at her, devilment in his eyes.

"You know how to do that!"

"I do, indeed, but as I explained, I am not a mortal man. I do not think it is possible for me to wear that."

"You can try, can't you?"

"Very well, you put it on me," He stepped closer to her.

Her mouth dropped open, she was not expecting this. "But, Daniel…."

"Have you never put a condom on a man?" He smirked at her.

"Of course, but…"

"Go ahead and try, as you can see I am more than ready to fulfill what we have started, and as they say, seeing is believing."

Gathering her resolve, Carolyn opened the package and discarded the wrapping. As the Captain stood patiently before her, she gently reached for and grasped him, unable to resist giving him a stroke as she did so. He swallowed the lump in his throat but remained still. With him in hand, she positioned the condom and pushed it over the head of his shaft. She smiled triumphantly at him, but saw him motion to the floor. The condom that had seemed securely in place now lay on the floor.

She looked back up at him and he shrugged, giving her a tolerant smile.

Gritting her teeth in determination, she retrieved another package, opened it, and tried again with the same result.

"I don't understand," she said looking at the condoms on the floor.

"I cannot wear them, my love, and I must be honest and tell you that it is taking all of my control not to throw you on the bed and make love to you when you keep touching me like that. You are rather stiffening my…resolve, shall we say."

She sank back on the bed, seemingly defeated. After a long minute, she looked up at him. "But you can make love to me?"

"I believe so, I certainly feel like I can."

"But if you are a spirit that feels like a mortal man, then what happens when…when you climax?"

"Not having done this with a mortal woman, not having done this since my death, I cannot answer with complete certainty, but I would assume that I will function must the same. That whatever fluid I release will be…harmless." He grimaced. "Sad to say, but my unfortunate accident caused me to be…dysfunctional in this area. I believe I am capable of the act but unable to achieve the ultimate goal of creating a child."

She looked into his eyes as he said that and saw the sincerity there, the secret wish he had kept hidden from her until now.

"So if you could, you would want a child with me?"

"You and only you, my sweet Carolyn." He stepped close and pulled her in his arms, kissing her hair, then her face, and then placed a sweet kiss on her lips.

She was rather astounded at this revelation, but tucked it away for later examination as it had no real bearing on the here and now.

"Are we done talking now?" He asked and pushed himself against her in a lazy manner, but enough so that she could feel his need.

"Yes, we're done."

"And?" He queried, wondering for a brief moment if she would stop what they had started.

Carolyn wasted no more time with words. She had found out what she needed and felt comfortable pursuing what she desired as well. She took his hand and led him back to the bed.

"I don't suppose you could make my clothes vanish like you do with yours?" She asked playfully.

"No, my love. Yours have to come off piece by piece, as with all humans."

"Blast!"

"But I will be more than happy to assist with that." His blue eyes sparkled in anticipation. "In fact, I am a master at undressing beautiful women…"

"I didn't need to know that," she said.

"Apologies, I will be more careful with my words in the future," he said and removed her blouse, gently kissed her after every button was undone.

"You'd better, "she mumbled, but was already losing the ability of coherent thought as he dropped her skirt to the floor so that she stood before him in her panties and her bra. He deftly removed her bra, and sat her on the bed, then kneeled down before her on the floor as he stopped to worship her breasts, licking and teasing with both his fingers and his mouth, causing her to squirm within his grasp.

Then he removed her panties, and she kicked them away. He kissed his way up her legs as his fingers parted her legs and gently inserted themselves into her core. Soon, he removed them and she felt the soft hairs of his beard against her inner thigh as his mouth moved against her clit, as he licked her, with his talented tongue and mouth, she felt herself bucking against him. Within moments, she was in the throes of the first orgasm she had experienced in years.

Gently he pulled her onto the bed and lay beside her. She reached for and felt him, his outstanding size and width and found she was eager to share with him, to become one with him, and he seemed more than ready. She looked into his face and nodded, giving him permission to continue. She guided him to her entrance and with a reverent sigh of love, he entered her.

Slowly, allowing her time to adjust to him, he began to move within her. Their rhythm was easy, and the most normal thing in the world for them, as they began to rock together. Their desire for one another was so strong that they couldn't make this encounter last. Their hearts and minds wanted more time, longer to be united, but the bodies were intent on fulfilling their singular purpose. They reached their pinnacle together, in a moment of unadulterated bliss when his thrusting stopped as she held him tight to her and he exploded within her.

They lie entwined on the bed for a long time, until it was necessary for him to withdraw from her. Even then he pulled her close, their limbs wrapped in each other.

"Happy?" he asked, pushing a stray lock of hair away from her face.

'Deliriously so. It appears you are capable of pleasing a woman."

"I have pleased you?" He smiled at her.

"Oh, so much more than that, Daniel. You do know that I love you, don't you?"

"And I love you." He kissed her lips for just a moment. "So you would be open to doing this again?"

"Adverse? I would demand that you do this again."

"Saucy wench!"

"Arrogant man!"

Laughing, they snuggled closer, happy to move on to the next step of their unpatrolled journey.

AN: So, I have a strange sense of humor but hopefully a few of you enjoyed this. Because really, who else but the character of Carolyn Muir would be able to have this kind of conversation? And how do you discuss this with a ghost? And how do things work for a fully loaded ghost capable of being physical? I guessed my best and this story worked its way out. I think the premise is believable but rather silly at the same time lol. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews are always appreciated and welcome – don't forget! Thanks for reading.


End file.
